I’ve never been one to make a big deal out of New Year’s or New Year’s Eve. It’s never been appealing to me to stay up to watch some giant crystal ball drop. New Year’s Rockin’ Eve was overrated. I preferred watching The Routine over the real show.
I’ve also never been a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions for the following reasons:
1.) They never last. How often do you see people in the gym in January and then numbers dwindle back down to the regulars by March.
2.) Why wait until the New Year to start becoming a better person?
3.) If you don’t make a New Year’s resolution by January 1, does it mean it’s too late to become a better person?
But this year feels different. Not only did I actually go somewhere rather than celebrating east coast New Year’s and then going to bed, but I also set some goals for 2016.
I had enough space for 12 (and plus, there’s 12 months in a year…look how that worked out) but left two blank just in case I had a “3rd Reason Not to Set Resolutions” situation on my hands. There’s always so much that I want to accomplish in a given year, but I feel like these are all measurable things that I can be held accountable for. I figured these would be easier to actually check off of a list because they’re more specific than things like “get healthier” or “be a nicer person.”
I grappled with several other potential goals, but as I thought about where I want to go with my life and the kind of person who I want to be, these were the ones that meant the most to me. They’re also challenging enough to make me feel like I’m actually DOING something for self-improvement rather than just maintaining who I am. Even more than that, I’m hoping that they will help me celebrate who I am, allow me to put myself first sometimes and not feel bad about it and lead to a happier 2016. Most importantly, I’m hoping that they will help me to get out of my shell and accept the positive community that already surrounds me.
My biggest struggle in 2015 was trusting that people really do care about being with me and caring for me. I’ve doubted people’s motives, and while I say it’s my method of self-defense, it hasn’t been helpful in building positive relationships. It’s just made me skeptical and isolated. But I’m making the decision that I want to do these things, and I don’t want to do them alone. Will it be easy? No. Am I afraid to try? Not anymore.